Aren't you going to run after him?
You've done everything short of putting your tongue down his throat this evening.
I don't run after people.
They run after me. Don't they, Harry?
What's that supposed to mean?
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Harry wouldn't touch you with a sterilized bath pole.
Really?
Nothing... No.
He tried it on, and I turned him down.
His pride's hurt, and he knows he's blown it with the show.
I didn't want to say anything to you,
'cause I knew you'd go mad. You're a fucking maniac.
You should have told him, like I said.
How could you?
It's not me. It's your freak of a boyfriend.
It's fucking Robo-cock.
How could you?
* Trouble behind
* Just food for the wine
* Don't let's
Morning.
That was fantastic.
Last night.
Thank you.
No, not that.
Cheers.
No, no. That as well.
But the dinner.
It was like something out of...
People would pay money to see that on stage.
Is that what all gay people are like?
Pretty much.
God.
There's something you want to tell me, isn't there?
Something you've never been able to tell anyone before?
Like what?
You're gay, aren't you?
What?
It had to happen to me one day.
You know the cliché: "Fag-hag finds Mr. Right,
only for him to turn out gay."
I'm not gay.
Yes, you are.
You haven't admitted it to yourself, but...
I promise you, I am not gay.
Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?
Yeah, and I'd also say it if it was true.
You'd better not be.
So...
I'm Mr. Right, am I?
Mr. Right Now, maybe.
I'll give you gay! Come here!
Morning!
I'm feeling very positive.
I've been thinking, maybe Harry didn't--
Who?
Lars was mad enough to have made it up.
Puh-lease.
He'd been acting guiltily ever since he got back.
Anyway, why wouldn't he? What have I got to offer?
You've got plenty.
Morning!
Thanks again for letting me stop.
This is a test.
Until now, I've been too focused on relationships.
From now on, I'm going to concentrate on my acting,
put negative thoughts behind me, and move forward.
I put-- The cereal is over there.
All-grain pyramid.
Excellent.
Where did you get that from at 4 in the morning?
I found it in one of the cupboards.
Well, it's not mine.
It must have been left there by one of my exes.
* One thing you should know
* About me
* Sometimes my life goes all the way down
* So deeply that I cannot see
* The one thing to save me
* One thing you should know about me
* Sometimes the night blows all the way through me
* And it puts out the light inside me
* Might make nothing of me
* And I
* I
* I can't wake up...
Where have you been?
Fucking.
I never know when you're serious.
I'm going to bed.
Just tell me the truth.
What happened between you and Harry?
What do you think?
I think that maybe Harry suggested
that they might take you on the show permanently.
I'm not saying you did a sort of casting couch,
but perhaps one thing led to another,
and you both regretted it afterwards.
Is that what happened?
Yeah. You're so clever.
I'm going to bed.
* I'm here all alone
* It might get the better of me
I didn't know you smoked.
Special occasion.
* Wake up
* With you not beside me
Just leave me alone.
I don't believe you.
There's nothing you can say that's going to make any difference,
so why don't you just stop this?
All you're doing is upsetting me,
so if that's what you want to do,
then you're doing a good job.
Shame. I liked him.
Me too.
No, I meant Lars. Thanks.
Well, he was a bit of all right, wasn't he?
Are you sure there wasn't any scratching on bedroom doors
after we'd all gone to bed?
I stand no fucking chance, do I?
You're in the fucking hotel, and you don't believe me.
You know, I'd forgotten how provincial this place was.
I stopped off at that café in Stafford Street
to get a takeaway mocha.
Big mistake.
The dozy cow serving me
looked like she'd only ever read about them in celebrity magazines.
"Are you from London?"
It's the poof.
It's the missing link.
Stop it, you two. Oi, oi, oi!
Boots off my furniture!
How long's he here for?
As long as I like.
Tell him he can't go out till it's dark.
I've got a reputation.
Leave him alone. He's had an upset.
Broken a nail?
If you must know,
I've got a married woman pregnant,
and the husband's after me.
God, you're thick!
It's so beautiful.
He was a real genius.
Very much, sir.
And he painted
the Mona Lisa.
Well done. You're right. He did.
The most famous painting in the world,
and it was done by a gay man.
That would make such a statement in the hallway.
If we can agree on the price.
Can I have a word?
I am rather busy at the moment.
Can't wait.
Would you excuse me?
Lars has told me what happened...
Has he?
...And I've forgiven him.
Have you fucking really?
He is a very good-looking man,
and I know how tempting it must have been,
but he's very vulnerable at the moment.
Tom, grow up! You're pathetic!
Just tell that maniac to call Alex and tell him the truth.
I can't do that, Harry.
If you want to pay hookers and pretend it's love,
that's up to you, but it's a different ballgame when it affects me!
Sorry to interrupt, but I had to tell Tom,
they've just unearthed documents in Florence.
Leonardo wasn't gay.
Said it was a publicity stunt.
Sorry, no chips. How will you survive?
What's that?
It's an olive. It's from foreign.
It looks lovely, Alex.
You always were a very good cook.
So, nothing happened with that job on Londoners?
It was such a blessing in disguise.
How long you gonna give it, Alex?
Tell him not to start, Mum.
I'm just saying
you can't go on forever.
Listen, I know that I'm going to make it.
There's no doubt in my mind about that.
I didn't expect you to understand.
I always knew that I was different.
You can say that again.
If you think about it, what is the main difference
between those that make it and those that don't?
Don't know. I'm sure you're going to tell us.
It's talent, for a start.
Perseverance.
Never giving up when the going gets tough,
never taking no for an answer.
That's the spirit...
that's going to keep this country great.
I'm not saying that you can't try,
but maybe you should think about getting a trade as well.
You can try and be famous on your days off.
This is pointless, isn't it?
Mum, you can tell me now. I'm old enough to take it.
I was adopted, right?
Listen, if you're happy living this small-town,
small expectations existence,
that's fine with me.
If you're happy that the most exciting thing you've got to look forward to
is the Whitby shop, then who's stopping you?
But I want more.
But don't you think you might be confusing being a homosexual with--
A "homosexual"?
It's the right word, isn't it?
Yes, if this was 1948.
All right.
Do you think you're confusing being gay
with wanting to be famous?
You felt different, and you're confusing the 2.
It's not about being famous.
It's about having something in you that--
What's the point?
Don't know what the big deal is about being gay.
Why does it have to make gay people
want to be actors and hairdressers
and fashion designers?
Why can't you have a normal job?
Why can't you be a gay bus driver, like me?
I don't think you meant that the way it sounded, Dad.
I'm only using "bus driver" as an example.
You could be a butcher, or work in a factory.
Hello, I'm Alex.
I don't think we've ever met.
Hang on. That's your agent.
Got the lead in that snuff movie.
What movie?
Nothing, Mother.
Is that him again?
Come on, he was all right...
For a poof.
I don't know what you're making such a palaver about.
And what part of the palaver am I making too much of?
You'd have thought poofs would have figured it out, wouldn't you?
No, I mean, men...
Should understand the way other men think.
It's not like women, where they're a different species.
Men want to sleep around, Alex.
It's in the genes. It's instinct.
Now, you can't explain that to a woman,
but you'd have thought a man would have got it.
Just a bodily function, mate. Ain't anything.
So that's why Sandra finished with you, then.
* Hmmm
* Picture this and sail away
* On a cloud that's going your way
* Make a wish and watch it all
* Go the way it's going to
* Call it all impossible
* Breaking all the rules with
* Love
Will you bloody hurry up?
* And simplify
* The things that made your teeth grind
* Put the bliss on overdrive
* Till there ain't nothing left inside
Keep your head down.
* Calling all unusuals
* Waking up the neighbors
Suppose getting a flat will be difficult,
with the deposit and everything.
I'll survive.
Here.
Take this.
Buy us a yacht when you get famous.
Take it.
Get yourself a new dress or something.
Pig.
There's a good boy.
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
You're daddy's little boy, aren't you?
Who needs a boyfriend?
You're not going to go after some thick gym queen, are you?
No! No, you're not!
What are you...?
To new beginnings.
I got your moving-in present.
Probably the first of many that'll end their lives here.
A candle?
Don't give me that.
I'm not fucking gay! It's a joke!
It's a lovely thought.
He's still eating his droppings!
Apparently it's normal.
Gross, but normal.
Although he does seem to do it rather a lot.
Have you got a name for it yet?
I was thinking of Mushroom, 'cause he's only small,
and he doesn't take up much room.
Don't give up your day job.
Talking of day jobs,
I've got some news.
I was called into work early by Fizz,
and she tells me that she's moving with her husband to New York.
I thought, well, there goes my job.
But she wanted to know if I was interested in buying the business from her.
Well, of course, I said it was a lovely idea,
but there's no way I could raise that kind of money.
She's virtually giving it to me.
Stock, equipment, everything.
All I've got to do is pay for the van,
and she said I could do that whenever I had the money.
I've already thought of no end of improvements I can make with the menu.
I phoned the bank,
and in theory they're going to give me the working capital,
but I don't need much.
* London's burning
* And who can blame it
* Impersonating
* Love
* Picture this
* It's possible
And... Action.
What do you think of this, William?
Yeah. Now, this is really nice.
Really nice.
Looks like the Omega Workshop,
and if we're really lucky,
it could be by the man himself, Mr. Roger Fry.
This could do well.
Depends on the price.
It was 30 quid.
There was another similar one
in another store for 55,
so I think this one's fucking cheap.
Twat!
You're really showing us up!
Why'd you do it?
It just come out. I don't know.
How can it just come out?
Tell me again, why am I doing this?
It was fate.
We were doing a small corporate lunch,
a couple of dozen people,
at one of your banks in the city.
Anyway, I got talking to this chap Douglas.
He was very interested when I told him that I was an actor.
It turns out that he's a closet writer/director,
and he's got this project that he's been working on for years.
He told me all about it,
and could see that I was fascinated.
Well, where did you put it?
You keep saying. I don't know.
You really are going to have to start getting your stuff ready the night before, okay?
And to cut a long story short,
we're putting on a play.
It's only a one-man thing, but it's being done properly,
all financed by Douglas, who's obviously got a bob or 2.
It's about an economist called Thomas Malthus,
and it's all about this influential theory that he wrote.
"On the Principles of Population -
1798, revised 1803."
Basically saying that--
Well, it's a bit complicated,
but he said that the poor die off
when there's not much work about,
which apparently is a good thing,
or something like that.
Found it!
Come on. We're going to be late.
Why are you reading the paper when I'm trying to talk to you?
Well, it's Heath.
Hey, he's single.
And he's gorgeous.
Hello, mate.
Heath, William.
William. Are you the car boot flogger in the attic?
I take it you're unemployed.
I work from home, but I stretch my lunch breaks.
You'd be flattered if I believed you.
I never really believed that you're a proper antique dealer.
You don't wear the dickey bow.
I know. I hate them. There's no possible excuse for wearing one,
unless you're a gynecologist.
That's an old antique dealers' joke.
From an old antique dealer.
Want to join us? I would love--
Shit! Shit, shit, shit!
What?
Stay cool.
Have to give him the satisfaction, I guess.
I'm--
Yeah. Take care.
Well, you completely blew that.
As you can see, I'm completely over him.
Goes without saying.
Where's your stuff gone?
You remember that double-glazing millionaire I was on about?
Well, he just upped his offer.
I did leave you a note... I think.
I am attacked on all sides
by those reprobates and malcontents
who would undermine the very fabric of this society.
Is it not an obvious fact
that if the poor cannot produce, they must starve?
Is it not verily a law of nature that if they can't--
Law of nature that the weak must cease from breeding?
Filthy, unwanted mouths.
What are you doing?
Working.
And you should be in bed.
Just 5 minutes. I could help.
All right, then. 5 minutes.
And if you want to help, sit here. Have a look at this.
What do you make of these 2?
It's the same lady, only in this one,
she's got her back to us.
They're wearing the same hat.
All the dangly bits match,
just the other way round.
And look.
It's even made of the same straw stuff.
It is her, isn't it?
I am right.
I think you might be.
Lars only admitted it to Tony out of spite, you know?
Just a parting shot before he sailed off into the sunset
with his double-glazing millionaire.
I always expected something like this would happen.
What? You expected me to go off with someone else?
No, not that.
But I suppose I didn't know what you ever saw in me, anyway.
I always thought you'd wake up to the fact
that I wasn't the person I thought I was.
I always knew who you were.
Did you?
Always.
And I always loved who you are.
Least now I know how Mrs. Gladstone felt.
I can't do this, Harry.
Not now. Not yet.
Putting this play on is a big opportunity for me,
and I just can't be distracted like this.
Well, yeah. I'm shooting in Glasgow for the next 2 weeks.
I'm definitely going to try and make it down for you.
Harry, I don't want you to come.
It's not because I don't want you there, but because...
Just give me a bit of space, okay?
God.
It's broken!
No, it's not, darling.
Serves him right.
Georgie, stop it now.
Say you're sorry. Come on.
No.
There's no real harm done.
All I did was call her dad a "bender," and she hit me.
Barnaby!
I don't know where you children pick up language like that.
But it's true. They said it at school.
Well, no, he's not. And don't use that word.
Now, say you're sorry.
Well, technically,
although I wouldn't quite put it like that, he's telling you the truth.
See?
* Wishing for
* The simple life
She's very protective of you, isn't she?
Can't imagine Barnaby taking up arms in defense of my honor.
She means well, but she goes too far.
How long's it been?
2 years in August.
But we divorced 2 years before that.
They're more resilient than you'd think.
Maybe.
But you can never really know what's going on under the surface, can you?
I don't mean to pry, but...
What does she think about you being gay?
She doesn't mind. It's just a fact.
Touch wood.
Maybe I've got that all to come.
I think what bothers her is the thought of someone coming between us.
She's very jealous.
That's understandable, given the circumstances.
But, as I said, as long as you're sensible,
they really are more resilient than you'd imagine.
* It's good to be
It appears that Douglas
is the founder of a radical economic pressure group
called the Neo-Malthusians,
who argue that the modern liberal world
interferes with natural checks to population control,
like war, famine, and disease.
Basically, we're--
They--
are calling for the compulsory sterilization
of the long-term unemployed.
It just doesn't say any of this in the script, so how was I to know?
I wish Mum and Dad hadn't been there.
But it wasn't all bad.
There were trips to see it,
organized by the Adam Smith something-or-other.
They seemed to like it.
By the end of the run,
thanks to the pickets from the Anti-Nazi league,
we were playing to almost-empty houses.
Hey.
Harry.
I'm just fooling myself about everything, aren't i?
No, you're not.
Fancy a fuck?
* I've got your car keys
* You've got my tee-shirt on
* I've got an old tape
* With our favorite songs
* We got what it takes
* To make us love each other
* I'm on the upside
* Where the sunshine falls
* You're on cloud 9
* Where wishes find stars
* We've got
* What it takes
* To keep each other warm
* We're gonna give some
* Take some
* There's always a wrong side
* There's a right side
* And we're still on the same side
Want to set up now?
Yes, if you'd like,
or I can send you an invoice, if you prefer?
We'll do it now, shall we?
Sure.
It was very good, by the way.
Everybody said so.
Has the company changed hands recently?
Yes. I took it over a couple of months ago.
It's improved.
Expect a call from Bradley King.
Old Bradley was scoffing those salmon things.
Asked for the name of the caterer between mouthfuls.
Great.
No! Mushroom!
When are you going to move back properly?
Soon.
Just seems a bit of a waste keeping that place on,
and... you're always here.
I suppose it is.
I'll tell you what.
I'll cook you dinner Saturday evening,
and you can help me move out Sunday morning.
How's that?
That sounds grand!
Hey. How are you?
And here was I, thinking we'd burned all our bridges.
And there's been a lot of water under the bridge as well.
What's gonna happen to Mushroom?
I'm gonna kill him.
I've got to find him a new home.
Harry's got an allergy.
Do you want him?
He eats his own poo.
Yeah.
What do you put on a madera cake?
Dunno.
I think Lawrence said he likes lemon...
What a mess.
It was an accident. Yeah. I think we've got time to start again.
How many eggs do we have left, Georgie?
I've got some reading
to do for school.
Wait a minute. I want to talk to you.
It'll only take a minute. Please.
Lawrence is coming here to see you as well as me.
He wants to get to know you.
I want you to behave properly, yes?
You can't make me like him.
No, you're right, I can't,
but there's no reason why you wouldn't like him.
Georgie, there's never going to be anyone more important to me than you.
No one. Ever.
And no one's going to come between us, okay?
Hey,
if I had to choose between you and Lawrence or anyone in the world,
I would always choose you.
You know that, don't you?
Doesn't mean I can't have friends, though.
You have friends.
Does it?
You're a big girl now, Georgie,
and I want you to understand that adults,
they get lonely.
What am I trying to say?
I like Lawrence a lot.
And it would mean so much to me if you would at least try to like him.
If you try and you don't, that's fine,
but I just want you to try?
What do you say?
Can I go read now?
Yeah.
Are you...
Are you going to bring these?
I take it by your tone you don't like them. I didn't say that.
Well, I'm keeping them. They're a moving-in present from Lisa at work.
You all right?
I'm fine.
I'm cooking.
I always get like this when I'm cooking.
That can stay where it is.
And you can chuck that as well.
I know that by heart.
Regardless of the play's content,
the acting was amateur.
The stem of the word "amateur" is amore, "love."
An amateur is someone whose only motivation for doing something
is the love of it, so you mustn't be ashamed to be called an amateur.
Do you want me to hit you?
No.
Why are you always so...?
It was a disaster. There's no sugaring the pill.
When they used the word amateur, it wasn't a compliment.
I know, I just--
You just what?
Think I'm dizzy? Think I need protecting?
Sometimes it's like sinking in warm quicksand, being with you.
You make it feel all so comfortable, but it drags me down.
I'm sorry.
But I'm not a child, Harry.
That's a pretty hairclip.
I don't like it.
Do you like school?
No. You do.
You do. You're doing a project on Tudors.
Why don't you tell Lawrence all about them.
It's boring.
You said it was interesting,
and you told me all about it yesterday.
Why don't you tell Lawrence about them, then?
All right, I will.
The Tudor Dynasty started when Henry VII
defeated Richard III at the Battle of Bosworth Field.
This is the Battle where Richard says,
"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse."
This was the end of the Wars of the Roses.
This is where the House of Lancaster
and the House of Cornwall...
What? What?
Fought to be Kings of England.
Now, when the Wars of the Roses ended,
that was also the end of the Hundred Years' War.
Why weren't you angry?
When I believed Lars and not you.
I mean, if the roles had been reversed, I'd have been furious that
you hadn't trusted my word over that... Where is this going?
Do you think I really did sleep with him?
No. Good.
I did find him attractive,
and I suppose I was responsible for the way he reacted
'cause I led him on.
But... when it came down to it,
I couldn't risk what I had with you.
You didn't seem to have any faith in me.
When King Henry VIII was dying,
he smelled so rotten because of all the pus
from the disease that people were actually sick if they went near him.
And when he died, he was succeeded by his son Edward,
but it didn't last very long. In fact, it was rather boring.
And he was succeeded by Mary, Queen of Scots.
You're wrong!
It wasn't Mary, Queen of Scots.
She came later. It was Bloody Mary.
And she had all the people who didn't like her religion
tortured by being burned
and having their stomachs pulled out
by rusty iron hooks.
That's not true. Is.
Is it? Yeah.
It's disgusting.
Harry, I don't want to leave here.
I'm sorry, but I don't want us to go out anymore.
You see, until now, I've never really had any control over my life.
I've always lived with people who took all the responsibility,
whether it was my family or flatmates or lovers.
For the first time, I feel like I've got some power.
You know, I chose this place.
I furnished and decorated it.
If I don't post the money off to the electricity people,
the lights go out.
And the business, it's hard work, but...
I love it,
and it's something I'm good at.
I make mistakes, but I learn from them.
I'd always been looking for someone like you,
a Mr. Right to come along, look after me,
and I found him.
I am going to miss that safety and security
I feel when I'm with him.
I love you.
I love you, too.
This is possibly the worst,
most difficult decision I'm going to make in my life,
but... I have to let him go.
So, this is it?
It's his drawing style, and the paper's right.
This is Mary Cassatt.
She was an American artist living in Paris. That's where she met Degas.
He drew her many times over the years,
but this one is from 1879.
It's a study for a mural that was never completed,
and it was exhibited at the Fourth Impressionist Exhibition, so...
If I'm right, mine's a fragment of a picture
produced for the same project.
I mean, it's rough.
The hat's superimposed on the hat as almost an afterthought,
but Degas did that with his working drawings.
It's probably cut away from the larger sheet
as a memento for someone, that sort of thing.
I may be wrong, but my instincts are good.
All I know is that it's...
It's beautiful.
It's worth making the effort.
I mean, it's worth taking the risk of being wrong.
It may not work out, but I have to try.
There's a double meaning in that.
Subtitles: Arigon
I'll never get over you, you know?
You made me feel safe.
And wanted.
And happy.
Those are no small things.
But I need to grow up now.
So do you.
Anyway, I couldn't find anyone to take care of Mushroom.
It was either you or him.
Who else was going to stop him from eating his own crap?
* Tenderness
* All you need
* Gentleness
* Is what you give to me
* When I...
What about the Victorian fire tongs?
Are they going to set the auction ablaze?
What about the lovely old gramophone?
* You say it's love
* I say it ain't
Here you go. Have a safe flight.
Thank you. Cheers.
No, 'cause, look, there's 2 Janes.
One Jane.
Is there one Jane?
No, 'cause it's divorced, beheaded, divorced, survived.
No, not beheaded, but divorced, beheaded--
Beheaded!
* 2 outsiders
Fucking hell!
I heard you were off.
God, how boring, sitting around campfires
with doped-up middle class weirdos
who think hugging changes shit.
You're just running away.
I think you should leave.
You really got under my skin,
and I have absolutely no idea why.
I mean, you're nothing to look at, are you?
So, in other words, your double-glazing millionaire's left you?
He never existed.
I made him up to make things worse for Tom.
Evil, aren't i?
I just couldn't stand being with that twat any longer.
Well, if you've come here looking for a credit card and a bed...
I don't want your money.
I'm a personal trainer now.
I'll give you a discount, if you like.
You could do with shifting a few pounds.
Thanks very much.
And you needn't thank me for telling him nothing happened between us.
I wasn't planning to.
I knew he'd come straight to you.
I even surprised myself with that one.
You've ruined me.
I don't want to be like that again.
And you need someone like me.
Someone...
Someone who frightens you.
Sorry.
No, you're all right.
Here we go.
Can I get you another one?
No, you're all right, mate.
Hi, Marcel.
Hey, Alex. Sorry about your friend.
It's a good job he's a mate of yours. I'd have kicked his ass!
Yeah, right!
He's a bit of a wipe.
He keeps looking over.
Go on. Go over.
Know you want to.
Maybe it's too soon.
You're right. That doesn't even convince me.
Do you want a drink?
* One thing you should know about me
* Sometimes my life
* Goes all the way down
* So deeply that I cannot see
* The one thing to save me
* I'm feeling like I did before I knew you
* I'm waiting like I don't have time
* I've given all I can
* And go right to you
* And you say you're fine
* I can know you're never gonna get out
* And it's better not to lie
* Now you're living like a lookout
* Always running from your life
* What did anyone say to you
* And me
* This world
* Careful as it is
* I'm a little late
* I've got your car keys
* You've got my tee-shirt on
* I've got an old tape
* With our favorite songs
* We got
* What it takes
* To make us love each other
* I'm on the upside
* Where the sunshine falls
* You're on cloud 9
* Where wishes find stars
* We got
* What it takes
* To keep each other warm
* We're gonna give some
* And take some
* There's always a wrong side
* There's a right side
* And we're still on the same side